Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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