I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
