btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
