woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
