girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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