I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
