the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
