I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
