I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
