Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
