Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
