one might say we're banned from that church
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
