How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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