Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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