its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
