I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
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