When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Send help, water and tortillas.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
