And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
tell me about the fingering
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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