Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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