I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
