white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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