Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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