this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
