so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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