Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
