OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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