I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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