so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
