i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your cock deserves a montage
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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