no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
