I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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