I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wear drunk well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
