I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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