I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
