I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
