I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
