i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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