i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
