i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
