Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
