As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
