Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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