Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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