Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
