I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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