I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
