i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
