so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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