Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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