your thong is hanging out like whoa
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
