i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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