her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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