just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
