I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
