I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize