All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
