So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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