Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
