i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
