I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
