This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
