Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
