She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
