with your own penis?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize