so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bring money and cleavage
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
