In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
