KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
