so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
