Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
